By Dawn Boykin
When it comes to cheating, we have all been on the not so friendly end- having been cheated on. In my dating experience, I can certainly vouch to the harsh reality of being cheated on by men countless times.
While in the romantic stage of dating(first several months), we tend to wear a facade and often times are in a pursuit of winning the other person over. We will often times introduce our representative-self and not reveal our true-self.
On the contrary, I agree that you should not unload your entire life story during your first date (It could very well ruin that starry-eyed candle lit dinner) but I will stand by the fact that there are certain truths that need to be exposed very early on.
Questions pertaining to monogamy are not unacceptable to bring up on a first date. It’s one thing to have an expressed interest in someone, but suppose that person is a habitual or chronic cheater? Would you want to know? Do you just blurt it out-I certainly have.
Between awkward stares and unbroken silence, I have gotten down to the Nitti gritty of certain “deal breakers” LIKE IF A MAN IS A CHEATER. I of course have gotten mixed answers in the process. If a man says, ” I do have a women, but we are on rocky terms right now. I don’t think it will last much longer. This is an automatic deal breaker! That’s a cheater being honest about being a cheater and he is testing the water to see if you are with it.
The first step in “being true to you” is stopping this situation in its track before it becomes a thing of the past. And it will. You can choose to accept the idea that maybe you’re “good enough” to take his current girls place (a big mistake that women make) or you can opt out and not feed into his game (you being the other women, indefinitely).
If you accept the first offer, all I can say is welcome to the team girl! You just got suckered in, plain and simple.
We women like to believe that we are in control. That we can handle pretending like we just want to have fun, taken out and showered with gift and are not particularly looking to settle down.
If you are in that place in your life, fine. We all want those things from a mate. But if you are willing to sacrifice your self- respect in the process (by allowing a man to cheat), you have bigger problems that you need working out. Besides that, this never works out as intended.
Women are emotional creatures and men aren’t. Men are not taught to feel. They can be intimate with women and not develop and form of emotion attachment.
Being in the dating game in the past, I have perfected the skill of recognizing patterns of the chronic cheater and ways that you can recognize the signs of cheating. With this knowledge you too can save wasted time, disappointment and heartbreak which often times lead to feelings of guilt, resentment, pain, internal hatred, and a lack of trust in yourself and others.
1. Accepting Cheating. Many times as women, we know that we are being cheated on and ignore the obvious signs. Trust your intuition (inner gut feeling). This gut has been known as our second brain and will never steer us wrong. Every women has got this ability of channeling our inner gut. We were made to have an intuition to protect against the hunter in a man. Stop letting your feelings/ thoughts (1st brain) get the best of you by not listening to your gut (intuition, 2nd brain).
2. Quit trying to prove yourself to a man. Women have forgotten that we are the prize. It is all about you. Let a man prove himself to you because as a women, you have chosen him, he didn’t choose you. Society has men thinking that it’s all about them and that they are the ones to be won over. Not true. Having self -esteem is the greatest asset a women can have and when you know your own worth, it will not be hard for a man to see your worth either. And he will treat you as such. A man will only do to you what you allow him to do, so stop putting men on a pedestal and gain your power back.
3. Stop believing that every man will cheat on you. When you put the concept that every man will cheat into the universe, you will end up attracting a cheater. Projecting this thought and energy will attract just the thing that you’re actually trying to prevent. In these scenarios, even if a man is not a cheater, by telling yourself that he’s a cheater you will begin to look for signs and make false accusations. Your mind has already made up the fate of a perfectly innocent man.
4. Women change men into the man he is supposed to be. All men can and will change, but there is only one women that they are willing to change for. Instead of asking if you are the one or not, he will prove that to you in the way he treat you.
Now that you have that insight, I will give you the signs of a chronic cheater, and proof that YOU ARE NOT THE ONE!
1. Not returning phone calls-having lame excuses when he finally does decide to call back.
2. Texting you back when you call him.
3. Not answering calls during evening hour.
4. His phone constantly ringing and he does not answer it when in your presence.
5. Suddenly having to leave.
6. Not giving straight answers when asked about his feeling on monogamy.
7. Never invites you to his house, out with friends or to meet his family.
8. Dates are always far out.
9. Admitting that he has a lot of women friends or many women that he calls his “sisters.”
10. Inside dates only and you never go into public places.
11. He doesn’t respond to your needs or concerns.
12. He hurts your feelings repeatedly, and offers no fix.
13. Not willing to make any changes to better the relationship.
14. Will not compromise in his single guy regiments (ie; Sunday being game day with the fellas, no exceptions).
15. Not hearing from him for days or weeks at a time.
16. He only calls you during work hours and is hard to contact otherwise.
17. He only calls you when he is out and never when his is at home.
18. Will not stay out overnight with you.
19. The excuse of all night clubbing.
20. Constantly looking at or admiring other women, lacking self-control.
So ladies, do not be fooled. Just as there is a science to cheating (by which some men have mastered), there are proven facts that can assist in uncovering these hidden truths.
Good luck and happy dating!